I'm drowning in sadness...
Now's the time I reveal what happened between Yan and I.
We patched up after the exams. Yeah, on 1st December 2005 which was his birthday. He wanted to be with me back a week before that but I wasn't ready for it. I was still hurt by what he'd done to me. Furthermore, his family still hates me. He told me he still had feelings for her which hurts me so terribly. How does one be with someone when he has feelings for two people at the same time? *Sigh* Sometimes i feel as though he's taing me for granted.
At first it was really, really hard for me. The insecurities and the pain he put me through still, were just killing me inside. I cried every night and I thought he could be there for me to listen to what I've got to say.. how i feel inside. He kept on saying that he loves me but I don't feel it. His actions didn't seem to tell me that. I tried to be strong.. tried to gain back my trust in him.. having faith in us once more and yes, I'm still struggling with that.
As days go by, he told me that he doesn't have feelings for her anymore. I was relieved, but still, feel dumb for accepting him back. The reason why I took him back was because I still love him. I thought, given time, things will be fine once more. I hold on to the faith I had for this relationship. I fought back against the tears and the past that haunt me everynight. And for a moment, things were just so fine.
His parents knew about us. They're somehow ok with it. I was glad. However, the scar remains.
Now it seems like he's more serious in me. And he said he wanna be with me for the rest of his life. I just kept quiet.. wondering how true those words are.
I did asked for a break up once coz I really can't bear the pain anymore. He cried.. begging me to stay. I just kissed his forehead and his eyes which were brimming with tears.. and said,
We patched up after the exams. Yeah, on 1st December 2005 which was his birthday. He wanted to be with me back a week before that but I wasn't ready for it. I was still hurt by what he'd done to me. Furthermore, his family still hates me. He told me he still had feelings for her which hurts me so terribly. How does one be with someone when he has feelings for two people at the same time? *Sigh* Sometimes i feel as though he's taing me for granted.
At first it was really, really hard for me. The insecurities and the pain he put me through still, were just killing me inside. I cried every night and I thought he could be there for me to listen to what I've got to say.. how i feel inside. He kept on saying that he loves me but I don't feel it. His actions didn't seem to tell me that. I tried to be strong.. tried to gain back my trust in him.. having faith in us once more and yes, I'm still struggling with that.
As days go by, he told me that he doesn't have feelings for her anymore. I was relieved, but still, feel dumb for accepting him back. The reason why I took him back was because I still love him. I thought, given time, things will be fine once more. I hold on to the faith I had for this relationship. I fought back against the tears and the past that haunt me everynight. And for a moment, things were just so fine.
His parents knew about us. They're somehow ok with it. I was glad. However, the scar remains.
Now it seems like he's more serious in me. And he said he wanna be with me for the rest of his life. I just kept quiet.. wondering how true those words are.
I did asked for a break up once coz I really can't bear the pain anymore. He cried.. begging me to stay. I just kissed his forehead and his eyes which were brimming with tears.. and said,
'I love you.. and I won't leave..'
I used to have a friend, Firdaus. He was the one who cheered me up when I broke up with Yan. I was really thankful for his presence. But unfortunately, we lost contact till the time I patched up with Yan. He tried to contact me back but I ignored his smses and calls. I didn't mean to do that but I had to. I felt hurt. So crushed. I wanted to tell him so much that I miss his company but I was already with someone and I don't cheat my bf's feelings.
I can't sleep last night. All I did was just stare at the ceiling.. wondering why my life is just so complicated. I cried... till I fall asleep.
God please save me... how should my life be... I don't wanna live in torment anymore. I had enough of crying. Why do I still get all those cold shoulders from Yan...
I used to have a friend, Firdaus. He was the one who cheered me up when I broke up with Yan. I was really thankful for his presence. But unfortunately, we lost contact till the time I patched up with Yan. He tried to contact me back but I ignored his smses and calls. I didn't mean to do that but I had to. I felt hurt. So crushed. I wanted to tell him so much that I miss his company but I was already with someone and I don't cheat my bf's feelings.
I can't sleep last night. All I did was just stare at the ceiling.. wondering why my life is just so complicated. I cried... till I fall asleep.
God please save me... how should my life be... I don't wanna live in torment anymore. I had enough of crying. Why do I still get all those cold shoulders from Yan...
Does he really loves me or is he just taking me for granted...