Thursday, January 31, 2008

I feel so down.
Down to the ground.


Haiz.


Thanks to the idiot who called me in the middle of the night.


I couldn't sleep after that and that resorted me to having a migraine this morning.. which then made me reported sick to work.
My head felt like bursting.


I had a long conversation with my sister (nurse manager) this morning.
At least some of what she said made sense to me.. and that it calmed me down.
I was too furious lastnight.. trying to comprehend these madness.
It made my blood boil to its highest peak.
Still, I managed to fall asleep till that some idiot called me halfway thru.


Now it's not the deployment that's making me depressed.
It's how things are being managed now.


I feel like speaking to my assistant director of nursing, better still, my director of nursing..


I wonder why things have to turned out this bad.
I didn't chose to work in this ward.
If I know deployment means to work in the ward where my grandfather passed away for too many times, I would've request for transfer earlier on.
But I hold on..
Build up the courage to face all that.. I might be over it but I'm still not over the fact where my grandfather passed away coz of urinary tract infection. There must be a real bad septicemia somewhere..
I'm also not over the fact that he got a large deep presssure sore at his back.
Not forgetting his very large swollen hand after the blood transfusion in the ward.

At least if you don't have the time to the GMS dressing, at least elevate the hand....


Only when comes to the day when I was deployed to ward 63, I understood why he got that big pressure sore back then.
Simply because, no STERILE techniques of doing dressing.
And no FREQUENT turning.


My grandfather must be in sheer agony back then.
Haiz.




I wish I could break my bond and get out of Sgh.
But it sure has a price to pay.
40K?
Haiz.


I really couldn't stand the system now.
It sucks.




Enlighten me please...


I wish Yan is here with me...
.....................


Well, at least he called in just now when I was in the verge of breaking down...
Never have I cried that bad to him about work...
This is just so bad.


Real bad...
Now that I've lost the strength to stand back on this two feet...
And that these tears doesn't seem to stop flowing...


I feel as though I just failed to become a nurse.